The First Celebrities on the 747 to Oblivion
Filed Under: Annoying, Celebrity, Celebrity 747, Featured
The time has come to check in our first 6 so-called celebrities onto flight CLB100, the celebrity 747 that we all want to see filled up and crashed into the side of a big mountain.
There will be no seatbelts, oxygen masks, emergency lighting or big inflatable slides. We really want to make sure they are going down with the plane and not surviving like they did on that film Alive.
The celebrities making their way to check in and through security this week are. . . . .
Seat #1: Amy Winehouse
I don’t know if this one needs much explanation – just look at the state of her. Has talent but has decided to waste it by almost completely self-destructing on drugs, booze and self-harm. To be honest, it will be a surprise if she makes it to the gate.
Seat #2: Peaches Geldof
We’re not really sure what she does apart from live off the back of her father’s name, Bob “give us yer feckin money” Geldof. She recently played bass and sang at the Hospital Club in Covent Garden. She was booed off stage for being appalling.
She need not worry about pretending to be famous anymore – she has a seat on the plane.
Seat #3: Heather Mills
Another one that needs very little explanation.
She screwed ex-husband Sir Paul McCartney out of £25m at the recent divorce case but had the cheek to try and take him for £125m. She does nothing, cries on TV and just wastes everybody’s time.
Riddance.
Seat #4: Paul Burrell
What does this guy do apart from lie and steal from the late Princess Diana? Why do we have to suffer his appearances on TV?
I can’t answer either question so he’s got a seat.
The coroner at the recent inquest into Diana’s death said it was blindingly obvious he lied at the hearings. How low is this man? Gone.
Seat #5: Kerry Katona
Continues to drink and smoke on TV whilst pregnant and does ridiculous adverts for Iceland that must put off even the chav people. She is just an idiot.
I don’t think I need to justify this any further.
Here’s your ticket, Kerry. Have a nice flight.
Seat #6: Gillian McKeith
The so-called diet doctor deserves to be on the flight to oblivion due to her lack of understanding of diets or basic biology.
Thank god she has recently had to stop calling herself a doctor after it was found she had a PhD gained by correspondence course from a non-accredited American college.
Any of us could buy one of those!
McKeith is just out to take money from naive people. She has to go.
So there you have the first passengers. Wave goodbye! They won’t be coming back.
We’ll keep the list updated on the Celebrity 747 page. If you have any comments or suggestions leave them below.
More check-ins next week.
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Ashley | Apr 3, 2008 | Reply
GENIUS……..
Lucinda | Apr 3, 2008 | Reply
OK, I agree with the majority however putting Gillian on one of the first seats is harsh. There are FAR MORE deserving celebs to go down:
1) Paris Hilton
2) Lindsay Lohan
3) Nicole Richie (even though she has tried to redeem herself she is still a dickhead - ie: allowing her dog to wee on expensive garments in expensive shops…)
4) Angelina Jolie: Get that wanna-be goodie two-shoes OUT OF MY FACE! She did Billy Bob (AND HER OWN BROTHER) and there is NO EXCUSE for that even though she has managed to snare Brad….more about taht later
5) Victoria Beckham’s breasts: THEY NEED TO GO. They are so big and hideous, they really are a force unto themselves
THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING!
Paul | Apr 3, 2008 | Reply
Trust me, the others you mention will surely follow…
Nicole | Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
List is good so far, can you please consider a ticket for the following;
Tom Cruise, he totally get’s me, the Cruisemyster needs a seat on that plane.
The other person that get’s me is Mimi, that’s right Mariah Carey, can she pleeeeaaassseee put some clothes on that are made for her size!
Thanks
Richie | Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
It’s like you read my mind…..
Seat 7 - Fern Cotton - what purpose does she serve?
Bob | Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
Jade Goody!
Bob | Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
I really get wound up by Eamon Holmes, not sure why he just annoys me and I think he’s a waste of good organs.
Richie | Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
Hey - Eamons a Manc!
Ashley | Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
That’s the beauty of the 747….u have to tune in next week to see who is boarding
Baldo | Apr 4, 2008 | Reply
Mugabe?
Bob | Apr 5, 2008 | Reply
Christopher Biggins, Lionel Blair, The lad who was seeing Jade Goody (jeff brazier?), Brian Dowling (he won Big brother), Davina McCall, Ulrika Johnson… I’ll think of some more!
Paul | Apr 5, 2008 | Reply
Sally | Apr 5, 2008 | Reply
can you please please please give tickets to The Spice Girls - their first stint in oblivion failed so i’d like to take them back there as soon as possible.
Any chance of seats in economy - preferably at the back near the toilet?
oh, and a seat for Posh Spice by Jordan?
Sally | Apr 5, 2008 | Reply
oh and I’d really like Chris Martin from Coldplay on there too…he is soooo annoying. That castrato voice, and that pious pitching about fair trade and saving the environment, pah…how many houses does the man own (a whole street worth)and how many flights does he take….grrrr, get those environmental hypocrites out of my face!
Bob | Apr 5, 2008 | Reply
If Jordan is on there we mustn’t forget Peter Andre. Is he Australian or is he Greek, maybe just fat?
Bob | Apr 5, 2008 | Reply
The ‘rapper’ who where’s the plaster on his face, Nelly is it?
Ashley | Apr 6, 2008 | Reply
lol….Nice work guys…
looks like we may need an Airbus A380
Amotron | Apr 7, 2008 | Reply
Les Dennis (ginger)
Mick Hucknall (also ginger)
Naomi Campbell (SMACK!)
Jodie ‘Soupy Morass’ Marsh
Jade ‘Badly Packed Kebab’ Goody
moodygoo | Apr 7, 2008 | Reply
after that FLAKE advert……
JOSS STONE!
Shaun | Apr 8, 2008 | Reply
I know this might offend quite a few but i say ‘The entire cast of lost because they have stole so many hours of my life, I could have killed them all and be out by the time we finaly have some answers !!!
Frank | Apr 13, 2008 | Reply
Add Pete Doherty……please seat at back so that he can skin up fdor the rest of the plane without bein disturbed.
Add Arsene Wenger…place him next to the galley so that he can reach over and help himself to napkins to wipe away the tears…
Paul | Apr 15, 2008 | Reply
Michelle | Apr 16, 2008 | Reply
Last call for Nicole Kidman. Her plastic face and pursed lips makes me gag - not to mention her accent. Might as well throw in Keith into the mix too. He needs to wash and stop streaking his hair!